Alice+and+Males

=Alice and Males: The Aftermath of Rape= By: Stephen Millar

Following her rape on May 8, 1981 Alice’s life was changed forever. The events that night would change how she saw others and how others saw her. These events would also shape her relationships in the time that followed. In particular, her relationships with males she came in contact with. She had entered college as a virgin, something that she tried to hide from the other girls in her dorm. She felt the need to make up a story to make the girls think she was not a virgin. Following her rape, where she lost her virginity, her feelings about men would change. Many of her feelings were not unlike others who have been through rape. In fact, feeling differently about men is one of several reactions many feel after rape (Coe et al).

Following her rape, Alice was very skeptical about her future relationships with men. She felt that no good man would want anything to do with a rape victim. She went as far as to say, “No nice boy is ever going to want me.” (72). Her mother tried to convince her otherwise, but she was still skeptical. She describes herself as changed, bloodied, damaged goods, and ruined. This is not uncommon in rape victims. Many find themselves feeling undesirable (Communication in Intimate Relationships).

She does engage in a conversation with one boy named Tom, whom she describes as the most handsome boy she knew. As first he seems nice and affectionate towards the girl. He has sympathy for what she has gone through and wants to help he through it. However he does not know the whole story. He believes that she has merely been beaten and is not aware that she has been raped. She tells him she has been raped and his mood begins to change. He does not know what to say or how to react to this news. She describes his movements as creating air without getting up to move away, although he appears to want to. She would see him after this, but eventually any relationship they may have had would fade away.

After she had returned to Syracuse, she had begun to piece her life together. Since she had been raped and not had sex willingly she began to convince herself that she was till a virgin. Not in the traditional sense, but in her own eyes. She had not given herself to someone willingly; therefore she was still somewhat a virgin. That is until she met Jaime Walker. He was a student in her class for whom she had developed a crush. She saw how he was comfortable dealing with a gay man and thought he would be the same with a rape victim. They would go out for drinks and she continued to fall for him. They began drinking with friends, but as time went by they began to drink together. One night he asked if she had slept with anyone since she had been raped. She was caught off guard and said no. She knew this was not the answer he was looking for, so she quickly changed her answer. He responded, “I wouldn’t have wanted to be that guy.” (153). He continued questioning her and she continued to lie. She was afraid to tell him the truth for fear he would not accept her. She told him she had slept with three guys since the rape and they agreed this was a good number. She would go home with him that night.

When they arrived at his apartment it was not what she had imagined. It was much less than she was expecting. She didn’t care. Nothing would stop her that night. They had sex that night. They had what many would later call “athletic sex.” She began to cry. He did not know that he was her “first.” They obviously had differing feelings about each other. She loved him, but he told her not to fall in love with him. To him she was just another girl, but to her he was her first. Many rape victims have similar feelings during sex. They often feel fearful and confused during sex (Coe et al). Some feel uneasy around men altogether. Alice is not quite this extreme, but there is a something unusual about her during sex. She does not have the same experience as other do when having sex, especially with someone whom she has strong feelings for.

Another man in her life was Steve. Steve was a boy from her roommate Lila’s match class. He was aware that she had been raped and appeared to be comfortable with this fact. Their relationship began to intensify and he became a fixture at their house. There seemed to be something missing. Alice states, “I began a sort of unconscious lying to myself when engaged in sex.” (207). She did not seek to please herself, but only to please him. If he is happy, then she is happy. However, her words seem to indicate that something is missing. She does not view sex as pleasurable to her, but only to her significant other.

Her displeasure leads her to Marc. He was different then Steve. They had met at a party and she liked his “seen it all, done it all” attitude. He would laugh at her jokes and not cut them off like Steve. He had a car and smoked and drank. He was her go to guy when she struggled with Steve. She seemed happy that she had two men who liked her. It was unlike anything she had experienced before. She was used to having no one, and now she had two.

At the end of “Lucky” there is another man in Alice’s life. The man is not identified by name, but he appears to bring some closure to her story. She has sex with the man, described as a male friend. It was her first time having sex in over a year. It seemed different than other times described in the story. They both agreed, “it was almost virginal.” (243). It was as if now she had experienced sex for the first time, with no attachment to her rape. Even thought she had sex previously, there was always something abnormal about it. This was her first “normal” sexual experience. It shows that with time, she appeared to finally put the rape behind her in the bedroom and moved on with some semblance of a normal romantic life with future male partners. She had gone from doubt, to a crush, form crying to pleasing and now she appeared closer to normal relationships with men than her rocky past. She had shown some normal reactions to those of rape victims and now she was moving on to a normal life of relationships and heartbreaks.

Sources: http://www.sextx.com/rape.html http://members.tripod.com/lmsurratt/section9.htm "Lucky" by Alice Sebold