A+Survivor's+Poem

Why did I live? I deserve to die after what I did. It should have been me, not her. The Scarlet Fever hit our home with a tremendous force. I brought the fever into the house and exposed my mother, my little brother and my oldest sister. Karen, my sister caught the virus right after me. We were too poor to afford vaccine and whatever we did have, My mother and sister gave to us children. Karen always gave her share of food to me and Ben. I accepted it because I was so hungry. I wouldn't have accepted it had I known that I would be the reason for my sister's death. She died one week after the fever hit our home, and we had survived. It's my fault. I should have not taken the food, or the medicine and spared it for her. I would have been alright. But I didn't, and she is gone because of me. How could I be so selfish? I brought the sickness into our home, and exposed everyone I love to this. If it weren't for me, she would still be alive. I had the virus first, why did I live, and she had to die? My mother doesn't look at me the same, although she tells me she loves me. But how could she ever love a murderer like me.

I chose to write a journal through the eyes of a child, whom is struggling with the loss of her sister by blaming herself. She blames herself for Karen's death because she carried the Scarlet Fever into her home and spread it among her family members accidentally. Most references of survivor's guilt are examples of prison camps, accidents or terrorist attacks, and I thought it would be interesting to do something new as the cause of this particular disease, such as an illness. This journal is told through the eyes of a small girl, and it shows how serious survivor's guilt syndrome can affect anyone, no matter the age.

Credit for these photos come from, in order from left to right: http://flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/173724754/ http://flickr.com/photos/pinksherbet/173478480 http://flickr.com/photos/halfpinay/353454258/ http://flickr.com/photos/harakiri/2119954612/ http://flickr.com/photos/angeboorman/568604812

Jessica Rozek